How to continue?

as title,
"How to continue.?"

There are a lot of Question keep poping out from my head.
Those Questions are connected to my mind.

I don't like to write down sad or unhappy things into my blog.
Because i feel that is not necessary to do so.

The reason why I blogging is to let my family and friends know what's going on with me.
and I'm those kind of people that don't like to show up sad face to others.

Just because I'm smiling, it doesn't mean I'm happy.

I'm good at memorising those stupid dummy things.
eg. Those words that 'the person' say and how 'they' treat me.

When people asking me 'Hey Claire, where are you studying at?'
and i replied 'Queensland, Australia.'
They will shock and said 'Wow, that's cool! I still in Malaysia."
from the conversation,
we can knew that,
people does envy you when you can go to oversea study.

But they never think that,
once you have the chance to go oversea for higher education,
you will begrudge to everything that accompany you past your 17 years.
eg. Family member that accompany you once you're born to the family.
Friends that you always hang out with.
School mate that you spend the most time with while you're studying.
Soft toys that accompany you past your childhoood.
Even the weather that you used to.
Or the road that you be familiar with.
The food that you used to eat.
Shopping center that you used to go.

There's a lot of things that we cannot say FORGET then forget.

I miss my family that I acquainted with.
I miss my friends that I spend a lot of time with.
I miss my primary and secondary school's mate.
I miss my teddies and toys that accompany me sleep every single night.
I miss Malaysia's weather no matter how hot it used to be.
I miss the unsmooth road in Penang.
I miss all the hawker food in Penang.
I miss Gurney, Queensbay that i used to shop with.

________________________________________________________

Everything had been changed once I step on the plane and reached Australia.
I'm challenging myself in this brand new country and culture.
Although this is not the first time I step on this country.
Being a student and being a visitor to the country are totally different.

being a Visitor :
√ Being happy all the time.
√ Only go to the Famous and Nice place.
√ Stay in the hotel that have people served.
〤 Spending movie to get Happiness.

If you're a visitor, people may respect you because you got MONEY.

being a Student :
√ Gain Knowledge.
eg. Knowledge that get from lecture, How to take train/bus/cab, etc.
〤 Everything is new to you.
(It will be a new life that without anything.)
〤 Racist by White people.
(If you're UNLUCKY enough.)
〤 Homesick.
〤 Spending money to get vexation.
〤 Spending money to get stress.
〤 Staying with people that you don't like.
(no matter sharehouse, homestay or staying with your relative.)

If you're a student, some White people don't like you.
Why? Because you're using money to take their places in University.
(Australian students need to have certain Credit or GPA only can enter certain Uni.)

____________________________________________________________

Today my mood is really Down to the max.
I don't like all things that happened.
If I still in Penang studying either Disted/KDU/etc.
all this problems won't be happen.
Because if anything happen,
i can talk to all the people that I acquainted with.
Like my family,
they all know what I want and also what I need.
Even my friends,
they at least know me better if compare to my situation now.

P/S :
There's nothing wrong with my study.
Just something that happened in my current life.
Being emo for whole day.
I just wish to go back to the time that I can rely on my family.

I'm a girl who really Independent.
I swear I am.

but,
sometimes ..
being too Independent will only let you feel more frustrated.

I just don't want to be too Independent,
I wish the time could go back till the time that I still in Penang.

but,
it's already being too late and impossible.

I never blame because this is what I choose.
but,
I just need somebody to say out all the things.
I just need people listen to me.

I just need a way to abreact all the things out.